So, I'm given a chance to connect to her in 5 days, minus the busy routine days Thursday and Friday, and they all add up to only 2 days (today has already been counted as one). As the clock ticks, my heart would go one second faster. So today is the first day, I was able to see her for.. around 10 hours+ and I was really glad. She even said it she's gonna love me with all she has, exactly what i was wishing for.

So.. this hasn't been felt for long, but now again, i'm reminded of how a heart could feel pain, how i can miss something so bad, love something so bad that even got me forgotten about basketball.

As I write, she's having dinner with one of her colleague, which will take up around 2 - 3 hours of my 1st day.. which sucks, but there's nothing I can do.. really..

Sometimes I wonder if there's a tool I can use to estimate or calculate how much I'm in love. But on her.. from 1 - 10 , i definitely love her more than 7. Cause I should know it myself.

I had a sneak peek of her wearing a dress, and trust me, she was unbelievably gorgeous, she looked so amazing I started crying.

Before I went deeply in love to her, I was ready to take the consequences of broken heart, cause I know, she's worth it, she's worth every tears I'd drop, she's worth every little second I've spent, she's worth every second of my basketball time, basically, she's worth EVERYTHING!
That's just how much I love her.

So 2 and not even half days left. Let's see what happens, I'm just gonna treasure every moment the clock is ticking! Enjoy every stares, every touches, every kisses, hugs, EVERYTHING!

If there's one thing I would like to comment against her BF, he should know he's got what all the men want..

Baby, you know I'd give you every little thing I got, and I really hope you're really truly my destiny.

Baby, I'm gonna wait even if it takes me forever, my love for you is just that deep..

I wanna feel this way till the end of time and I pray the day that you will be mine.

I hope I really can love you forever..

If God can read blogs, as we human can (it was stated that human was created by the image of Him, so I believe He can read blogs..

Dear God,

Thank you for the chance of meeting her and falling in love with her. Thank you for showing me her existence, thank you for placing me where she was, thank you for connecting both of us with some ridiculous talks and bullies which we enjoyed, thank you for the chance to make her smile. Thank you for everything that has happened since you made me lay my eyes on her picture.

and off course I'm a human, I wanna make wishes.

God, please be with her on every occasion in life, please protect her from all kind of pain both inside and outside, physical and mental. Please guide her through the life in making choices (cause I know she hates making choices and being in-between). Cause I know God, you're good all the time, and I believe she's a really really good girl, she deserves to be the most happiest person alive. and I hope I'll get my chance again to bring her endless happiness.

If we're meant for each other, please guide us so that we don't go separate ways. If we're not meant for each other, please guide us so we can cross roads and be on the same way.

I hope my wishes aren't too much, cause i know they are selfish but they are all come from the deepest of my heart.

Thank you for 'reading' this little blog of mine.

So.. apparently and luckily, she's chosen her bf over me. At least my plan didn't go all wrong. To see her hurt, sad and moody was perhaps my doing. I regret having you sad and tortured, but I don't regret ever falling for you, ever touching you, ever doing all the stuff we do at night, on the day, etc. Again, apparently, I REALLY REALLY do love her.. I almost stayed up all night just thinking, 'is this really my last sight of you?', 'is this the last time I can look close up to your face?', 'is this really the last time I can touch you and caress you?', 'was it the last time i could taste her cookings?', 'will i ever see her again in the audience seat while I play my heart out feeling that I'm being watched and loved?', and so many questions just kept appearing in my head... I ended up not sleeping and crying all night long..

I enjoy every little piece of second with you.. I enjoy how you looked at me.. I enjoy how you smile because of me.. Laugh because of my stupid acts and jokes (lip-syncing on the bus).. I enjoy how you 'came' because of me.. I enjoy every little piece bit of you. Your touches, your kisses, your cookings, your blushings, your awkward thingy, your smile, your bullying, all your face expressions, when you hold your loved bears, when you hear the word 'chocolate', when you crave for pizzas and pastas, when you crave for sweet things, anyway, i enjoy every little thing you did and you didn't.

I LOVE YOU

but those words can only connect just until the coming Sunday, and I hope I can really treasure these last moments of May-June (hopefully not forever), cause I really do love her.. I really care about her, I wanna have her childs (tho she doesn't wanna be pregnant, but we'll figure out #asif), I wanna build a family with her, feeling calm when I see her face and smile, feeling at peace, feeling like I don't need anything else if I have her..

Those wishes.. I hope they can last forever.. all depending on our destiny..

So here I am in her room, in her apartment.. Feeling overflowed with love.. I feel like I can make it all through if we were in completely different life scenario.. Is this one of Your obstacles before I can find the one? Or is she the one and I'm supposed to go thru it all. Anyway, gonna continue on other time, she's coming out of the bathroom
Love you Stefani <3 <3