Before I start, on the background, a song by Bruno Mars called 'Marry You' is playing. Not just because it's such a good song, but it also says what I've been having in mind. I wanna marry you.

So, today marks the first day i'm without her here. I thought it wouldn't be too hard knowing that 3 weeks is just around the corner. But then... I don't know since when, every little stories of myself has her in it.

So, the day started as we were woken up by a friend who was gonna send her to the airport. Since then it's been pretty hectic morning due to us not preparing everything in advance and just had an unforgettable night (Although I'd say every night is unforgettable when i'm with you).

So, I got her a present to remind her of my existence not just here, but there in a shape of a teddy bear with a rose carried on his chest.

After the hectic morning, we finally got her to the airport where we were set apart for a while whilst she's on holiday.

From there, we went to have breakfast which were Ramen in a place called Hakataya Ramen. There I was reminded of what she usually orders, and how she would want to have it.

Then we went to the house of the driver who sent us to the airport where we would just spend our time sleeping. I had a dream of her, and I was really happy i thought the whole holiday in Jakarta thing was 'the' dream until I woke up.

The first thing I get after I woke up was an sms from fellow team-mate. He sent me an sms about a match we're supposed to play, the venue, the time and everything which got me really scared because I thought the game was supposed to play 1 hour later than what he told me.

The one thing that really got me scared was the feeling of 'awkwardness' to play without her watching. I know she's only been to our games 4 or 5 times. But it just feels like it's the right thing.

That time after I read that msg from him, She (my baby) sent me a message through Facebook.. I smiled..

Anyway, I rushed out of the room, while the driver was still asleep, we had to wake him up and tell him about my game. But apparently he had an appointment with someone who was gonna come to have inspection on a car he was selling. So I had to wait until its settled.

He sent me back home to get my stuff and then sent me to the bus-stop where I waited so long.

At that time I was still with her on Virtual.

It's kinda late now, so i'll just get to the point.

I finished the game by losing to the other team 34 - 32 with me coming late in the 2nd quarter, and I had to do the bench. There I felt complete loneliness. No friend, no one that I knew, just plain me, by myself. I thought, well, I did it alot of time back in the days, but no. The feeling is just not the same.

After doing the benches, I had to go home, I left the stadium alone, I walked to the train station alone, I waited for the train to come alone for almost half hour, I was on the train alone. I really felt lonely.

After that I called up my friend and ask if they have plans, and bla bla bla,

anyway, the point of the blog is that

I just wanna tell her, how serious I am, how willing I am to get you to be my wife.

There were couple of times when I had my doubt, but no more.

Baby, you're the only one I want for my kids.

I really really really, Love you.

Haven't been writing this for long, I could say I've been so happy i forgot about everything else. We even decided to have a solid commitment by adopting Gru, a 2 months old male shihtzu black and white puppy. Everything was just so wonderful but yet perfect...

Why hasn't it been perfect? Well, first, I gotta say, she still talks to her Ex. If its just casual talking, i don't mind, i trust you whole-hearted. But what really hurts is when she says 'Hugs, misses, kisses, loves', that just hurts and I always pretend I know nothing about it. If I could say my love was like a bubble-wrap, every time you hurt me with those words to him, your just popping my bubbles one by one, now if you keep hurting me like that, i just hope I have ALOT of bubbles to cover for the rest of my life. I know you've got history with him, I know he's still somewhere in her heart, although i don't know much because she barely tells about it, but our love have been real...

Another thing that really kinda annoys me is that she feels like I'm a celebrity or something, she feels like she doesn't deserve being with me and all those craps. Babe, let me tell you this, I love you, you love me, and thats it. You don't have to make things so complicated. and I'm not a person you think I am. I have flaws too. If you learn more about me, you'll soon find them out.. my flaws thats it

Everytime you wake up, you always say 'don't ever go away', and i NEVER planned to go away. But if things are left as it is now, I just don't know anymore... It hurts me when I think about either of us going away... It's just sad...

Some people just told me to be patient just because she's 'young', you know what, she's mature, she's smart, and she doesn't wanna hurt anyone. But if you stay where you are, you're just hurting more and more people..

Enough said... since someone has finally got my blog address, I can't really say much anymore...

To whom it may concern (Stefani Angela/Stefani/Angie/Baby/Boo/Mommy)

I just wanna say, I love you.. please just love me back.. I want all of you to be just mine..

When I said about giving you my last name, I was never joking, in-fact, i was dead serious.

Having Gru is one of the ways I could think of to prove my commitment to you..

Please... let me in your heart.. and just me..