Before I start, on the background, a song by Bruno Mars called 'Marry You' is playing. Not just because it's such a good song, but it also says what I've been having in mind. I wanna marry you.

So, today marks the first day i'm without her here. I thought it wouldn't be too hard knowing that 3 weeks is just around the corner. But then... I don't know since when, every little stories of myself has her in it.

So, the day started as we were woken up by a friend who was gonna send her to the airport. Since then it's been pretty hectic morning due to us not preparing everything in advance and just had an unforgettable night (Although I'd say every night is unforgettable when i'm with you).

So, I got her a present to remind her of my existence not just here, but there in a shape of a teddy bear with a rose carried on his chest.

After the hectic morning, we finally got her to the airport where we were set apart for a while whilst she's on holiday.

From there, we went to have breakfast which were Ramen in a place called Hakataya Ramen. There I was reminded of what she usually orders, and how she would want to have it.

Then we went to the house of the driver who sent us to the airport where we would just spend our time sleeping. I had a dream of her, and I was really happy i thought the whole holiday in Jakarta thing was 'the' dream until I woke up.

The first thing I get after I woke up was an sms from fellow team-mate. He sent me an sms about a match we're supposed to play, the venue, the time and everything which got me really scared because I thought the game was supposed to play 1 hour later than what he told me.

The one thing that really got me scared was the feeling of 'awkwardness' to play without her watching. I know she's only been to our games 4 or 5 times. But it just feels like it's the right thing.

That time after I read that msg from him, She (my baby) sent me a message through Facebook.. I smiled..

Anyway, I rushed out of the room, while the driver was still asleep, we had to wake him up and tell him about my game. But apparently he had an appointment with someone who was gonna come to have inspection on a car he was selling. So I had to wait until its settled.

He sent me back home to get my stuff and then sent me to the bus-stop where I waited so long.

At that time I was still with her on Virtual.

It's kinda late now, so i'll just get to the point.

I finished the game by losing to the other team 34 - 32 with me coming late in the 2nd quarter, and I had to do the bench. There I felt complete loneliness. No friend, no one that I knew, just plain me, by myself. I thought, well, I did it alot of time back in the days, but no. The feeling is just not the same.

After doing the benches, I had to go home, I left the stadium alone, I walked to the train station alone, I waited for the train to come alone for almost half hour, I was on the train alone. I really felt lonely.

After that I called up my friend and ask if they have plans, and bla bla bla,

anyway, the point of the blog is that

I just wanna tell her, how serious I am, how willing I am to get you to be my wife.

There were couple of times when I had my doubt, but no more.

Baby, you're the only one I want for my kids.

I really really really, Love you.

Haven't been writing this for long, I could say I've been so happy i forgot about everything else. We even decided to have a solid commitment by adopting Gru, a 2 months old male shihtzu black and white puppy. Everything was just so wonderful but yet perfect...

Why hasn't it been perfect? Well, first, I gotta say, she still talks to her Ex. If its just casual talking, i don't mind, i trust you whole-hearted. But what really hurts is when she says 'Hugs, misses, kisses, loves', that just hurts and I always pretend I know nothing about it. If I could say my love was like a bubble-wrap, every time you hurt me with those words to him, your just popping my bubbles one by one, now if you keep hurting me like that, i just hope I have ALOT of bubbles to cover for the rest of my life. I know you've got history with him, I know he's still somewhere in her heart, although i don't know much because she barely tells about it, but our love have been real...

Another thing that really kinda annoys me is that she feels like I'm a celebrity or something, she feels like she doesn't deserve being with me and all those craps. Babe, let me tell you this, I love you, you love me, and thats it. You don't have to make things so complicated. and I'm not a person you think I am. I have flaws too. If you learn more about me, you'll soon find them out.. my flaws thats it

Everytime you wake up, you always say 'don't ever go away', and i NEVER planned to go away. But if things are left as it is now, I just don't know anymore... It hurts me when I think about either of us going away... It's just sad...

Some people just told me to be patient just because she's 'young', you know what, she's mature, she's smart, and she doesn't wanna hurt anyone. But if you stay where you are, you're just hurting more and more people..

Enough said... since someone has finally got my blog address, I can't really say much anymore...

To whom it may concern (Stefani Angela/Stefani/Angie/Baby/Boo/Mommy)

I just wanna say, I love you.. please just love me back.. I want all of you to be just mine..

When I said about giving you my last name, I was never joking, in-fact, i was dead serious.

Having Gru is one of the ways I could think of to prove my commitment to you..

Please... let me in your heart.. and just me..

So, I'm given a chance to connect to her in 5 days, minus the busy routine days Thursday and Friday, and they all add up to only 2 days (today has already been counted as one). As the clock ticks, my heart would go one second faster. So today is the first day, I was able to see her for.. around 10 hours+ and I was really glad. She even said it she's gonna love me with all she has, exactly what i was wishing for.

So.. this hasn't been felt for long, but now again, i'm reminded of how a heart could feel pain, how i can miss something so bad, love something so bad that even got me forgotten about basketball.

As I write, she's having dinner with one of her colleague, which will take up around 2 - 3 hours of my 1st day.. which sucks, but there's nothing I can do.. really..

Sometimes I wonder if there's a tool I can use to estimate or calculate how much I'm in love. But on her.. from 1 - 10 , i definitely love her more than 7. Cause I should know it myself.

I had a sneak peek of her wearing a dress, and trust me, she was unbelievably gorgeous, she looked so amazing I started crying.

Before I went deeply in love to her, I was ready to take the consequences of broken heart, cause I know, she's worth it, she's worth every tears I'd drop, she's worth every little second I've spent, she's worth every second of my basketball time, basically, she's worth EVERYTHING!
That's just how much I love her.

So 2 and not even half days left. Let's see what happens, I'm just gonna treasure every moment the clock is ticking! Enjoy every stares, every touches, every kisses, hugs, EVERYTHING!

If there's one thing I would like to comment against her BF, he should know he's got what all the men want..

Baby, you know I'd give you every little thing I got, and I really hope you're really truly my destiny.

Baby, I'm gonna wait even if it takes me forever, my love for you is just that deep..

I wanna feel this way till the end of time and I pray the day that you will be mine.

I hope I really can love you forever..

If God can read blogs, as we human can (it was stated that human was created by the image of Him, so I believe He can read blogs..

Dear God,

Thank you for the chance of meeting her and falling in love with her. Thank you for showing me her existence, thank you for placing me where she was, thank you for connecting both of us with some ridiculous talks and bullies which we enjoyed, thank you for the chance to make her smile. Thank you for everything that has happened since you made me lay my eyes on her picture.

and off course I'm a human, I wanna make wishes.

God, please be with her on every occasion in life, please protect her from all kind of pain both inside and outside, physical and mental. Please guide her through the life in making choices (cause I know she hates making choices and being in-between). Cause I know God, you're good all the time, and I believe she's a really really good girl, she deserves to be the most happiest person alive. and I hope I'll get my chance again to bring her endless happiness.

If we're meant for each other, please guide us so that we don't go separate ways. If we're not meant for each other, please guide us so we can cross roads and be on the same way.

I hope my wishes aren't too much, cause i know they are selfish but they are all come from the deepest of my heart.

Thank you for 'reading' this little blog of mine.

So.. apparently and luckily, she's chosen her bf over me. At least my plan didn't go all wrong. To see her hurt, sad and moody was perhaps my doing. I regret having you sad and tortured, but I don't regret ever falling for you, ever touching you, ever doing all the stuff we do at night, on the day, etc. Again, apparently, I REALLY REALLY do love her.. I almost stayed up all night just thinking, 'is this really my last sight of you?', 'is this the last time I can look close up to your face?', 'is this really the last time I can touch you and caress you?', 'was it the last time i could taste her cookings?', 'will i ever see her again in the audience seat while I play my heart out feeling that I'm being watched and loved?', and so many questions just kept appearing in my head... I ended up not sleeping and crying all night long..

I enjoy every little piece of second with you.. I enjoy how you looked at me.. I enjoy how you smile because of me.. Laugh because of my stupid acts and jokes (lip-syncing on the bus).. I enjoy how you 'came' because of me.. I enjoy every little piece bit of you. Your touches, your kisses, your cookings, your blushings, your awkward thingy, your smile, your bullying, all your face expressions, when you hold your loved bears, when you hear the word 'chocolate', when you crave for pizzas and pastas, when you crave for sweet things, anyway, i enjoy every little thing you did and you didn't.

I LOVE YOU

but those words can only connect just until the coming Sunday, and I hope I can really treasure these last moments of May-June (hopefully not forever), cause I really do love her.. I really care about her, I wanna have her childs (tho she doesn't wanna be pregnant, but we'll figure out #asif), I wanna build a family with her, feeling calm when I see her face and smile, feeling at peace, feeling like I don't need anything else if I have her..

Those wishes.. I hope they can last forever.. all depending on our destiny..

So here I am in her room, in her apartment.. Feeling overflowed with love.. I feel like I can make it all through if we were in completely different life scenario.. Is this one of Your obstacles before I can find the one? Or is she the one and I'm supposed to go thru it all. Anyway, gonna continue on other time, she's coming out of the bathroom
Love you Stefani <3 <3

Whatever happened to my blogs O.o?

I guess my blogs got deleted.. Was it by me? Was it by author of Blogger? I have no idea... The fact is that they aren't there anymore.. Anyway... Ciaoo~~

Short reminisces

So yea, again, I forgot I've had a blog for pretty long time, and I just couldn't keep up with the time and the blog. Anyway, life hasn't been too fair to me , but it's been good.

For some reasons, I kept getting injuries which are alot worse than I've ever had (at least the pain) and of which I've had are the injuries I'm used to/hopefully gotten better.

So this is my second season playing in Auchenflower BBI, an official Brisbane Basketball branched in Auchenflower, and believe it or not, after our worst days on our first season, we actually got to play in the Finals and we were the 2nd top seeded team for our division (which is 6, trust me, I'm pretty ashamed of it) so far so good, not until one of my scorer injured his knee *claimed as dislocated knee, although it was not as bad as really dislocating his knee, so yeah... It's been fun, but it could be better. and FYI , we lost the Final... against the team we've once beaten by far margin... Not gonna talk deeper about it as I'd get pissed as words piling up on this blog...

So, recently, due to Supanova, an event held annually, the so called 'cultural expo' event which is basically an event where animes/cartoon/unreals freaks meet up and dress up; i've been close with some new friends. He introduced me to alot more of his friends which by now they are all my friends as well. That time while he was showing a picture of the group called "ISAGU/Indonesian Student Association in Griffith University", there was this girl who caught my eyes, well.. off course.. she was the finest girl/lady in the picture (no offense to the other girls). Since then I started to show up more often at this CESDI (a room of which ISAGU uses for many things...trust me when I say this.. MANY THINGS). She was there with all the gloomy face. I was just scared I might make her day worse.. So anyway I skipped all the intros and all the hard stuff and just left with the boys. But then, by chance, we get to meet and laugh, and talk, and have fun, and talk some more; basically, got to know each other scarily alot and fast. Soon I found out she was in relationship, and it was a Long-distance relationship. and again, by more of these chances, I got to watch her dance as well the cute sides of her, the awkward smile she had on when she made mistakes on her dancing. and AGAIN, by chance, she came down to watch me play basketball, which I felt incredibly excited, happy, nervous and so much more. and AGAIN , by chances..... anyway... you get what I mean...

I got to see so much of her faces, her facial expressions, her smiles, her giggles, pretty much everything in just a week. By then I knew I was in love...

Soon, my own self starts to stop my feeling to grow. There are some reasons, age as one of them, and off course her status being 'in relationship' as the other, I just had to stop...

Every morning when I woke up, I always tried to find her... thus I was always unable to sleep some more, and so I never had good sleeping time...

During work, I'd be reminded of her faces and smiles; and got excited about our next meeting...

It wasn't the occasion, it wasn't just the hobbies, I was plain HAPPY to just see you.

Anyway, this blog gonna end here... just because... She is someone else's sweetheart...

-END-

Just remembered I have blogs...

It's been quiet awhile since I last posted a blog. First thing's first, Thank God or whoever They are (looks like I'm a quiet follower of not just one Leader) that I'm now here. There were some regrets, some accomplishments, some downs and some ups, but they are all fitting well as of right now. I might not have the perfect job, i might not be the best basketball player in Brisbane, i might not have all the time to have fun (anymore), i might not be able to give my friend quality times, but it not gonna be like this forever, I'm working just as hard as those who chase for their dreams.

I've been quiet obsessed over Basketball for like..6 years+ (ever since Mario and Ogie brought me to basketball court for once after it was long forgotten) and I admit I'm quiet and obsessed one. I literally forget anything else when my mind or body revolves around the word basketball. On playing court, on my way home from court, on my way to court, when I have my breakfast, lunch, dinner, when I'm about to sleep, when I'm just awaken, practically almost all the time...

They told me why have I been single for pretty darn long times. Believe me, although I always want to ask me that same question (maybe I'm just not as good as I was), but then when I come around, I always know the answer... Basketball...

If only someone(obviously a female kind) would sacrifice time to be at basketball court as much as me, or perhaps.. a little less... I would then maybe, definitely think of them as specials.

I've been showing interest on one person (or maybe more, i don't know), but looks like whatever I do, that person's image doesn't show up. Maybe it's just me...

Anyway... I used to go out with ALOT of girls, it was fun in a way, but at the same time, it was pretty sad thing. It all took me just a few days to convince someone that I'm in love without convincing myself that i'm into something more important than just me having a great companion.

Anyway, I'm a single, I'm a basketball maniac/sicko/bastard, and I'm getting old. If people ever ask about me, those are my only answers...

Ciao~~

Back on Blogger

So.. Looks like all the archieves I'd had are all gone, and I'm supposed to post something to get some points on Cyberdunk, so here it goes.

It's been busy the past few weeks with all the festivals, fair, training, event and games, and looks like the next few weeks won't be less busy as it has been. Lost my first game of the league by 5 points... gawd it pissed me off. This tournament is kinda lame since it lacks the management skills and everything, it doesn't even have the scoreboard. Enough excuses, guess we were kinda taking it easy knowing our scores was on lead for sometime.

Starting 2 weeks ago, I've been doing a lot of trainings for some reasons. One is to get to the top in the tournament while the other is just to forget about things that have been going on in my life. Gawd it's lame. Can't help it!

Well... I guess this blog is enough for the 1st post after like 2 years since the last post.
Cheerz,